Transcription of Episode

Lauren Cohen 0:03
So we are back here with Bill Stierle. And we are going to roleplay. Because now we have a few minutes to actually do that. And I’m super excited because I’m gonna get some value out of this. I always get value when I speak with Bill. And the first thing Bill always says, when he speaks with any of his clients or colleagues is, how can I make your day better? How can I make this podcast better? How can I make this meeting better, so he wants to look at the outcome before we even go into the meeting, so that you give him a menu or a recipe for success. So that’s something that, you know, we should all do with our clients, and I’m going to ingrain this in my brain.

Bill Stierle 0:39
So important. Yeah, making people’s life wonderful. And better is like the best thing ever, because you teach the brain how to swing for the fence, how to hit the home run, what would make your life wonderful is different. Well, it’s not wonderful. If you’re doing this, you know, putting the dishes away, necessarily. But hey, if you can make your life wonderful, by getting a major success in your business, learn, let’s do that.

Lauren Cohen 1:14
I’m going to tell you something that’s really made my life wonderful. In the past few weeks, I have this housekeeper that comes in a couple of hours, three days a week. And every time she shows up, I’m calm, and she’s cleaning and doing and organizing. And I’m like, every time it’s so good, I know my house is clean. I love it. So I don’t know if men feel the same way. But I gotta tell you that, that was one of my biggest successes, I guess was when as soon as I had enough funds, I did that, it’s a self care.

Bill Stierle 1:55
Self care, self preservation, you know, when we can get their need for support and cleanliness, you know, out of the world we live in, and we’re not spending our time because that’s really our resource, or the highest resource we have is time. And if we’re looking at the value that we’re exchanging our time with, and if there’s something I can say or do that saves you time, Lauren, what a difference that makes. So you’re not spending, you know, a month or two on a client, trying to go back and forth with email, we send one email, it works, and you know, you’re halfway down the path already, you’re gonna say like holy crap, that one email did it.

Lauren Cohen 2:43
So let’s get to that one email. Okay, two situations that we’re going to roleplay a little. Situation one: there’s a client that doesn’t speak English, it’s not their native language, and I’m very nominal in their language, Spanish. So they, it’s a large family, multiple visas from a country that’s in a lot of trouble right now, due to COVID. Due to politics, all of this, they want to get out. They have a bit of money, but they’re very hesitant to spend it because obviously, it’s their nest egg. So they’re paying for four different family members. The client is concerned mainly because of the language barrier. And there’s a lot of money involved. And they want to make sure that they understand every step of the way. Now I do have Spanish speaking colleagues, I have a Spanish speaking assistant, but I’m not a Spanish speaker. So their concern is valid to a point. But how do we overcome that concern and give them the comfort level that they need to be able to move forward.

Bill Stierle 3:50
So these are situations I deal with daily. So it’s actually going to be easier as I talk about it, but it’s just a little slight language change on your side and for the listener to execute. So the way human beings run, our software is language. And that software has a junky language, or it has effective language.

Lauren Cohen 4:25

Unknown Speaker 4:26
So the highest, the most effective language is not problem solving. The most effective language is empathy before problem solving. Now, empathy, what does that really mean? Well, guess what, most people have a crappy definition for empathy. So now I got to give us a really good definition of empathy. So here’s the definition and a practical definition because empathy only occurs when a feeling word and a need word are connected, and then agreed upon

Lauren Cohen 5:04
Feeling me?

Bill Stierle 5:05
That’s right. And it’s agreed upon with the word Yes. So my first sentence to them would be this sentence. Could you be feeling hesitant? And a little confused? And you need some clarity about how this is going to work? Is that correct? So I used to feeling words, and I used one need word, the feeling words were hesitant and confused. And the need word was clarity. Clarity is the target. So the next sentence you’ll write down is this sentence. What would clarity look like for you? What kind of clarity can I provide at this step? What kind of clarity do you need next? See, Lauren, one of the problems that people have is that you have all of the steps down in your head. Or even on paper, you have all the steps, but the person that’s meeting you is at the beginning. So you need to know what step of clarity do they need? Or what step of understanding do they need, and then that’ll open up to the next thing they don’t know. So you want to ask it and what is clarity look for you with this, then they are going to say this sentence, try not to let your jaw drop down. Well, how do I know? If this is real? Or am I going to lose my money? That’s the need for trust. That’s not the need for clarity. Now, we’ve moved off of clarity. Now we’ve moved to the need for trust, then this sentence is your next sentence. Oh, could you be feeling doubtful and skeptical? And you need some more trust. And you need somebody to support you with the documentation. So you know that it’s true. The two needs are trust. And truth. The feelings are doubtful, and skeptical. The hardest thing, is not to take this personally.

Lauren Cohen 7:40
Always, for sure.

Bill Stierle 7:42
Hardest thing as you think it’s about your respect your trust, Your Honor, no. Your clarity. I need to explain more. No, no, do not explain more Lauren. You’ve got to because, if you explain more, you’ll explain the entire process. They don’t want the interpreter. They just need clarity on the next step. Because they have to learn with you that trust is a process write it down.

Lauren Cohen 8:08
So true bill, especially when you’re dealing with foreign investors or foreign nationals, because they don’t, there’s a lot of steps. I mean, I’ve been there myself. And there’s a lot of considerations, you’re moving to another country, you’re not just setting up a company. And so if you can give them baby steps instead of overwhelming them, it can be so much better.

Bill Stierle 8:32
One need at a time, one sensory sentence at a time. So we read the subtext of whatever they’re saying, we find out what the need is. And Lauren, there’s people that have sent me contracts and I debrief the contracts. People have sent me emails and I debrief the email. Oh, this is what they’re really asking for they go, How did you get that? I know these four words. These four words told me that trust was not between you and them. These five words told me that fairness was not available. These seven words told me that respect was a problem. Our language is written in context. But what I teach is how to speak and write in subtext.

Lauren Cohen 9:22
Yeah. Limbic messaging a little bit too?

Bill Stierle 9:26
Limbic messaging is what it is. Because once you talk with the feeling and the need, you’re doing something limbic, and it’s reducing a thing called the emotional load.

Lauren Cohen 9:37
Yeah. Inside the person’s body. Messaging is definitely a key to any successful messaging campaign and, and discussion and communication for sure.

Bill Stierle 9:49
Marketing goes into that. Email, communication,

Lauren Cohen 9:55
Everything, sure.

Bill Stierle 9:57
Everything. So the good news is, that they’re four words from signing a contract. Clarity, understanding, truth, and trust. Under four words from getting the thing. Now, when we first started talking, I said, well, they’re gonna be easy, you didn’t think I was gonna break it down to four words. Now, also, there’s a lot of emotion in the moving part of it because they don’t have certainty quite yet.

Lauren Cohen 10:27
Right. There’s no certainty, their money is at risk for sure.

Bill Stierle 10:31
And then just do it this way, say, we are going to work to get towards certainty, we’re gonna find certainty together, right? The sentence that we’re gonna find certainty together, through pictures through boots on the ground through, you know, me, you know, walking you through this because we’re gonna fight for certainty. Now, as soon as you say, work towards certainty, or the processes start certainty during the transcript, they’ll actually start to feel relieved, as you’re talking about the thing that is causing the feeling of fear.

Lauren Cohen 11:09
Fear. Right.

Bill Stierle 11:10
Right. Could you be feeling fearful? Do you need some more certainty? They’ll say yes, then say, What does certainty look like at this step? Instead of certainty is: they’re in a house, that is the best house ever. Or they’re in a house, that’s a shock. Yeah, they don’t know what certainty looks like, because quite frankly, they can’t see or understand the value of what their money is going to get. You know, what the market places, you know what they are, they can afford to buy, right, we’re gonna get the highest value for the money that you’re spending.

Lauren Cohen 11:49
I think that another critical word is value.

Bill Stierle 11:51
Value is an important need. And we want to make sure that we are able to be transparent with the value of what this transition is bringing to you transparent with the value. Well, what does that mean? Well, here’s a link that you can go look at the value in the city you want to move to, here’s what my recommendations are inside that city. Here are other people you can call or sources on your own. If you want me to vet the sources, I can do that too. So you can have trust that way. You got to get them from adversarial. I’m holding my two fingers up, like I’m shooting a gun here to allies. You’re working with them. Right? You’re working together to find…

Lauren Cohen 12:45
Not selling them something.

Bill Stierle 12:48
RIght, you’re guiding them through a process. It’s all about the process. Okay. So was that helpful with the first one?

Lauren Cohen 12:56
Yes I think that’s helpful. And certainly, I mean, these are really important points for all of our listeners to think about, especially like when you’re investing and making sure like if let’s say, you’re creating a joint venture partnership, you have to build these elements, these words, these empathy words, these feeling words into your relationship in order to build that relationship of clarity, and trust, and transparency. And I think that those are important for consideration. So let’s go on to the second one real quick, because we only have about three or four minutes left. So the second one is the client is very busy. client needs service. Perfect, fit, perfect prospect, no issues other than slight concern about the price, asked me to sharpen my pencil because they’ll be doing this and dismiss. And I said, Well, when we do this, and this and this will be sharpening the pencil, they want the pencil sharpened first. So I wasn’t willing to do that. Because at this point in time, I don’t have the bandwidth, and I don’t need to. And so how do we move them from: Well, we’re dealing with this, from excuse to signing?

Bill Stierle 14:15
Well, it sounds like part of them would like progress and another part of them wants both financial and emotional safety. So there’s a financial piece to it. But the problem actually is more on the emotional safety part of it. Emotional safety is kind of a strange need. It’s like I don’t want to take on the emotions of others. And I don’t want to spend time sorting through things. I just want the thing I want and I want you to carry the emotion of the thing. That’s what he really meant by sharpen the pencil. It looks like it’s a numbers thing, but it’s really I don’t want too much of an emotional roller coaster. When it comes to options and choices Just give me three solid ones. So if something would make that client’s life wonderful, what would it be? What’s your best guess?

Lauren Cohen 15:23
A discount?

Bill Stierle 15:28
Not a discount. See, it’s so fun. You think it’s a discount, you know what they’ll do with the discount the last four or 5%? More?

Lauren Cohen 15:35
Okay, so then you tell me,

Bill Stierle 15:38
It looks like a discount. As soon as somebody looks like a discount, you’ve got to think of two things. fairness, and value. Yours, your fairness, your value, your time, times the commodity. So, and wisdom and knowledge and experiences great, but times the issue. So, to that you say, say this back to me. So you would like a fair price?

Lauren Cohen 16:06
You would like a fair price, right?

Bill Stierle 16:08
They’ll say yes. Now Guess what? fair for who? Clearly not for you. Like for a discount, right? They’re looking, they’re bottom feeding. They’re looking to shop if they are in that place. But a lot of times people will just ask because the person on the other side, has a need for emotional safety and will submit and feel resentment later. Lauren, have you ever felt resentment about a deal that you’ve made? Because you worked way harder on it than the time? Yes, it’s 100%. Because that’s our natural giving as a human being. We need to train our mind to ask for mutual fairness, and professionalism.

Lauren Cohen 16:56
So how do we do this?

Bill Stierle 16:58
I will say, the way I price my business services. Say that back to me.

Lauren Cohen 17:04
The way I price my business services.

Bill Stierle 17:07
Now, what has just happened to your body is your body’s going to shake a little bit. Because it’s not an easy sentence to practice. Listen, the way my business runs best is, and then there’s an amount there. That’s the way it works best is when I’m doing this amount. But it doesn’t sound like this amount. is something that is inside your budget, put it on them. Sounds like this amount is not something that is inside your budget. No, that’s not it. Okay. Well, are you trying to chisel me? Or are you looking for high professionalism, wide range of service?

Lauren Cohen 18:01
I ask them if they’re trying to chisel me?

Bill Stierle 18:04
No, that’s in your mind. Because the need for fairness, you’ve got to be an advocate for your own fairness. And you’ll recognize that, well, I’m not sure what they’re trying to do. But I’m not going down that road. I’m not sure if they’re going to try to chisel me or if it’s another need. See, I’m trying to find the other need. Because you and I were taught growing up through our business careers is the best way to make a customer happy is to discount your price. Yeah, that was one of the narratives that is not the best way. The best way is find out what need is preventing them from paying top price. Because you probably in knowing your extensive experience. You probably have that. Right, you know, in your refrigerator somewhere that you can bring out. So yeah, I have that. And that’s why you’re going to pay me typewriter top price.

Lauren Cohen 19:06
So what do I do, you know that there’s a lot of sales training says, what would it take to get you to sign today? Like, what do we know? That’s not good, right?

Bill Stierle 19:18
No, we’re gonna just modify that question. And saying, I’m guessing that a part of you would like progress. But the amount is outside of your budget, outside your spending range, outside of your view of the value that I’m bringing to you. It’s outside of it because clearly, they’re not looking at what the value is that you’re bringing. Now that’s on you, just say, Listen, I think that the value that I’m bringing is the way I work is this price, because you are not somebody that just came out of college. out of law school, sure person with years of experience under your belt,

Lauren Cohen 20:06
Thank you, very many years.

Bill Stierle 20:09
There you go. So they got to pay for that experience, especially because you’ve bundled it with all the skill and experience needed from an entrepreneurial position, not from a legal position, not from a real estate position fully. But from an entrepreneurial, this is going to best serve you, as I can see your vision. And I’m just looking to figure out how to get you out of the way to say yes, so that you can sign the contract. So I can get you where you need to know go. And you can see me as a value person, to your team. I mean, and that’s something that they don’t see you, as you’re not a higher gun, you’re a valued participant. Write this sentence down, I’m bringing my executive level expertise, right? Or to get this done in the shorter amount of time.

Lauren Cohen 21:14
Isn’t this interesting? I’m interviewing Bill and Bill’s telling me to write things down. It’s very interesting. You don’t have this option every day, okay.

Bill Stierle 21:25
And I hope I’m open, the listeners will see that it’s like it’s real, to write it down in a new way, so that you can transform the communication between you and them, because they’re not seeing you as a valued executive ally. I just got off a conference call, two different conference calls. Since last time we talked. And each one of those conference calls was on showing up as a senior level executive, I am not showing up as a consultant helping them. No, I’m going to remember, I am a senior level executive, that you happen to be renting my wisdom, knowledge and experience so that we can get to there and I asked for questions during one thing, that changed the entire tone of the meeting. And we got to where we needed to do my four questions over half an hour period catapulted them months ahead of where they would have been.

Lauren Cohen 22:27
That’s the key. And that’s exactly the same thing that I bring to the table. Because otherwise, it’s just like when you’re looking for a business and you work with, or you’re looking for a home, and you work on your own, you look for fizz bows and all this and you don’t find it and then you give up and you go to a professional. You’re right, there’s a value to professional expertise. And Bill, as much as I would love to continue this, we must stop, because I have a limited podcast time.

Bill Stierle 22:54
Let’s stick the landing. It’s the high value of applying empathy, as well as showing up from the view set of what would make client’s life wonderful. And be an advocate for that.

Lauren Cohen 23:15
Do I bank with possible, do we say to them? What would make this opportunity a wonderful fit for you?

Bill Stierle 23:24
Yeah, what would make your life wonderful as you make this transition? I think that’s sweet. That’s your sweet sentence right there.

Lauren Cohen 23:34
So how do people reach you? I want to make sure they have a way to do that.

Bill Stierle 23:40
That’s right. The best way to do that is It’s my website.

Lauren Cohen 23:55
I want to thank you for joining us today. Do set up a concert with this gentleman, he will help to change the trajectory of your business and your life. And thank you so much. And thank you for accommodating me today. And we will get this podcast up and distributed as soon as possible because everybody needs to know. So thankful Bill, always a pleasure.

Lauren Cohen 24:18
This is Lauren Cohen signing off for today from investing across borders, where we teach you strategies so that you can navigate a path to invest, live, work and play across borders, because we truly believe that the world is is an oyster. And nowadays, we have so much opportunity to be able to impact people on a global scale. So thank you for joining us. Please do subscribe to the podcast on Apple on Spotify on Google. And we look forward to hearing from you and hearing your comments and any questions you may have. Thank you so much. It’s a pleasure. And by the way, you can always reach me at Thank you so much. Take care. Have a great day.